Suitcases

Today, I was driving home, Pumpkin Spice Latte in hand (woohoo Fall is here!) and the Joy FM on the radio, when I heard Dara Maclean's song "Suitcases". I had never heard it before! She shares an incredible truth woven throughout Scripture.

So many of us walk around with "suitcases". In fact, the majority of people do one of two things: 1) they are aware that they have "suitcases", but they refuse to reconcile with them 2) they don't even know they have them. It breaks my heart. Jesus never intended for us to walk around with heavy, outdated, cumbersome hurts and pains.

The truth of the matter is simple. We choose this lifestyle of "heavy-lifting". It's scary to let go.  So many of us are defined by our "suitcases". My question is, "how will I live and love like Christ wants me to if I am still clutching my "suitcases"? How will WE, the Church, live out Isaiah 61:1-4?

"The Spirit of the sovereign LORD is on me, because the LORD has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom from the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the LORD's favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion-to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor. They will rebuild the ancient ruins and restore the places long devastated; they will renew the ruined cities that have been devastated for generations."

Just recently, God made it very clear that I have some unresolved anger and bitterness. I strongly believe that when God reveals stuff to us He wants us to deal with it, not alone, but with Him. Why do we run then? Why is it so easy to run away from it when we KNOW that God will walk us through it and never forsake us? Personally, I think it is pride. I think that often times we act as though we are "too messed up" for God. This kind of thinking is often looked at as "humble". Is it? Hmm...I am not so sure. I believe that it's pride in the form of defiance. We put our fear where our Father should be. "I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you." Isaiah 46:4

Some of us like to "baggage our baggage". We like to zip it, put a little lock on it, one of those suitcase belts and pray like crazy that that thing never opens up! Often times when we do this, we take the hyper-spiritual route. With this type of luggage-carrying we say things like "God is so good", we quote Scripture, and say many other typical "Christian" things. But we aren't dealing with the issues. We are stuffing them. And soon, I PROMISE, we will blow up. I am not talking a cherry-bomb, I am talking an explosion that will leave ourselves and loved ones in the dust. This is typical of us who struggle with perfectionism.

Ok, let's take this a step further. Those of us who like to "baggage our baggage" often don't want others to know what we are really feeling. Remember the story of Job? He wasn't too happy with his "suitcases". God allowed Satan to take away everything from him. He went through anger, depression, and so much more! His heart was what mattered. He CHOSE God over everything even when he wanted to die. I say all of this to simply prove that God doesn't expect us to walk around and pretend that life is easy. He wants to use us to show his glory! What an honor! One way we show his glory is when we share with others our pains and our struggles. BELIEVE me when I say that if you are sharing your struggles with someone who knows your heart, then they know that you are giving it to God. There is no reason to be ashamed. Christ says that there is "no condemnation in Him". It aches me when people are sharing their heart with me and out of no where they start explaining that they aren't complaining, that they aren't angry with God, that they know that God is good. I want to look at them (I often have) and say, "Hey, I know your heart. I know that you love the Lord. You are struggling and I hurt for you. Please don't ever feel like you can't express yourself completely. I love you!"

How many times do we NOT want to voice our frustrations with God, because of fear that He will be angry at us, or that if we say it out loud to Him we will no longer be worthy? First, we aren't worthy. When we surrendered our lives to Christ, He stamped us with a "WORTHY" stamp! AND it is waterproof! Try rubbin' that sucker off! :) I say all of this to myself just as much as I blog it to you...God knows our thoughts! Telling God is freedom! He wants us to tell Him. That is how we become intimate with our Savior. He is all about relationships. He will listen and He will love on you.

Remember...

1." He is sympathetic."
2."He knows we are weak." >"Christ is NEVER intimidated by the depth of our need and the demonstration of our weakness." 

Here is Dara Maclean's song "Suitcases":

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hYMM3FYPv30

Therapeutic Model

Recently I was asked, "What makes Mt. Moriah's therapeutic model so different from other therapeutic models?" A thought provoking question...

First and foremost, Mt. Moriah: Horses, Surrender, and Healing will focus on Jesus Christ and His power to heal. In Zechariah 4:6, God's Word says, "Not by might not by power but by My Spirit, says the Lord of hosts...". True healing can only take place when one has surrendered to Jesus Christ and knows that it is not by their power but by the blood of Jesus Christ that sets them free.

Secondly, Mt. Moriah will use Equine-Assisted Psychotherapy. "Equine Assisted Psychotherapy (EAP) incorporates horses experientially for emotional growth and learning. It is a collaborative effort between a licensed therapist and a horse professional working with the clients and horses to address treatment goals. EAP is intense and effective.

           EAP is experiential in nature. This means that participants learn about themselves and others by participating in activities with the horses, and then processing (or discussing) feelings, behaviors, and patterns.

            The focus of EAP is not riding or horsemanship. The focus of EAP involves setting up ground activities involving the horses which will require the client or group to apply certain skills.  Non-verbal communication, assertiveness, creative thinking and problem-solving, leadership, work, taking responsibility, teamwork and relationships, confidence, and attitude are several examples of the tools utilized and developed by EAP.

             EAP is a powerful and effective therapeutic approach that has an incredible impact on individuals, youth, famlies, and groups. EAP addresses a variety of mental health and human development needs including behavioral issues, attention deficit disorder, PTSD, substance abuse, eating disorders, depression, anxiety, relationship problems and communication needs."

The third important component of Mt. Moriah's therapeutic model is Natural Horsemanship. Because I study Pat Parelli's model of natural horsemanship, I find, so far, that Pat Parelli's model will be the easiest to teach and learn. He has assembled a phenomenal teaching method that has proven results. 

             " The Parelli Program of horse training teaches expertise and success with horses based on the way horses relate and communicate in their natural world – hence the term natural horsemanship. 

                 Based on respect for and love of horses – and understanding horse nature and psychology – the Parelli program enables anyone at any level to have fun with horses and achieve amazing results…naturally. Parelli horse training avoids using force, fear, harsh bits or mechanical training aids in favor of love, language and leadership or, said another way: relationship, communication and trustworthiness."

These three words, relationship, communication, and trustworthiness are the core of humans. We thrive on relationships. We must communicate to have strong, healthy relationships. And we must prove ourselves trustworthy to maintain those relationships. What an amazing opportunity God has gifted us with to learn about oneself with a horse at one's side offering unconditional positive regard! 

The collaboration of these three elements-Jesus Christ, EAP, and natural horsemanship serve to not only help people with mental health issues, but also people who are going through the everyday battles of life. In a world where we are often taught a "learned helplessness" we can change, take responsibility for our actions, and learn how to live a balanced life in this world of chaos.

I believe with all of my heart that this model can change the notion that addictions can never be truly recovered from, especially eating disorders. Well world, here I am to show proof that through hard work, dedication, and the three elements incorporated in Mt. Moriah's therapeutic model you CAN overcome...but I stamp it with JESUS CHRIST and His healing power!

 

Infection

Yesterday I had the amazing opportunity to stand up for the fight against eating disorders. Simon Birch (one of my doggies), my friend Nicole, and I walked in the National Eating Disorder Association (NEDA) walk in Tampa Bay. It was the 2nd annual walk. I am proud of myself. I am proud of Simon Birch. It was wonderful to have my friend Nicole with me. The 3 of us made a stand...we said we are good enough, we are strong enough, we are pretty enough.

Here are some pictures...

What I have realized is that an addiction is like an infection. When you have a sinus infection you have to go to the doctor's office and get some antibiotics to kill the infection. While the antibiotics kill the bad bacteria, they also kill the good bacteria. So you take probiotics, you blow your nose, you cough the nasty stuff up, you boost your immune system, and so much more...an addiction is the same. First, you have to admit you have one. You get help, whether it be rehab, counseling, "Anonymous" meetings, sponsors, or all of the above. That starts to kill the infection. That's the antibiotic.

Then you start devoting time to healing. You make that a first priority by constant and continuous surrender to Jesus Christ. That's blowing your nose and coughing it up. But while all of this is happening you might find yourself asking yourself, "Who am I?". If I am not my addiction anymore...who am I? This is where the "probiotics" come in. You pour the good stuff in because now you don't have much "good bacteria" left because for so long the bad bacteria attempted to never let it grow again. You nurture yourself. You try new things. You become vulnerable to the possibility of getting hurt in hopes to heal from the need to feel in control. You surrender more...and more...and more...everyday, emptying yourself and filling yourself with the love of Jesus Christ that He offers freely while only asking you to trust. Trust in His saving grace...knowing that you are good enough no matter how messed up you are...or feel. All of this boosts your "immune system" so that you can fight even when you want to give up...

I have been holding onto perfectionism for years...even in my sobriety of my eating disorder. If you struggle with this too, know that it isn't a way to live. Perfectionism is poison to your soul. YOU WILL NEVER BE PERFECT. YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH. DON'T SIN-MANAGE. LET GOD HEAL YOU BY SURRENDERING IT TO HIM. What after that you might be asking? Trust. Be still and know that HE IS GOD. He will start to slowly change your heart...change the way you look at things...change your attitudes and opinions. Give in to it. Surrender. God has made it so apparent to me that this is my next step. What's yours?


Check this out :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pLDQEbdHhz8

Equine-Assisted Psychotherapy

     In February and May of 2009 God opened the door for me to get my Equine-Assisted Psychotherapy (EAP) certifications as the "Equine Specialist" part of the team. The team consists of a Licensed Mental Health Counselor and an Equine Specialist. Now, to tell you the part of the story that is unbelievably amazing and has God written all over it...

    Prior to getting my certifications I was taking a Technical Writing course in college. I loved this class...well, sometimes. We were assigned a simple power point presentation to be done on something we were interested in. My first thought was "HORSES!", but then I realized I should probably add some pizazz to it! So I started the research part. I had worked with handicapped adults and children while they took hippotherapy and therapeutic riding lessons. As incredible an experience that was, I knew that wasn't what made me tick...I wanted to help people with grief, trauma, anxiety, abuse, all things I went through as a child and watched my family go through. That is when I stumbled upon www.eagala.org. 

    I had no idea I could actually get certified as an EAP "Equine Specialist". I thought I had to graduate and get my license in mental health counseling. Go through hoops I wasn't prepared to go through at the time. It was only my 3rd year of college and I wasn't finished with my AA yet. 

    I worked hard on my presentation. I have never enjoyed a project more. I stood in front of my class and poured my heart into this power point presentation hoping to enlighten people and change lives. Little did I know that the life I changed was mine.

   I thought about EAGALA (Equine-Assisted Growth and Learning Association) constantly. Wondering, "How can I support this amazing thing that I have fallen in love with and want to be apart of so desperately?", "Can I financially give a little each month?", and on and on.

   A few months later I submitted an application to a youth ranch dedicated to Biblical principles and helping change the lives of girls in foster care and kids with childhood developmental disorders. While talking to one of the founders I briefly told him my interest in EAP. He looked at me kind of funny and said, "You know you can get certified right? There is a place in the Tampa area that is hosting EAGALA...it's called Quantum Leap Farm." My jaw dropped. I used to work there. (refer to story in last post) I had been a volunteer there since I was a sophmore in high school and then the president/founder hired me as the weekend farm manager my first year of college. The only reason I had to resign was because I moved to Gainesville for college. Anyway, back on track...this news was music to my ears! I called my horse mentor/president and founder of QLF and asked her about it. I then paid a lot of money and signed up for the first and second certification (you are really not certified until you have the 2nd one) events. God provided the money, opened the doors, and then blew me out of the water! I had found exactly what made me tick...watching God use horses to help people heal. That's what He did for me...I was doing equine-assisted self exploration on myself for years. How could I not help others using this tool? That just seems silly...

Equine-Assisted Psychotherapy:

Equine-assisted psychotherapy “is a collaborative effort between a licensed therapist and a horse professional working with the clients and horses to address treatment goals” dealing with trauma, grief, depression, addictions, and anxiety disorders.

Some studies suggest that “the brain was hardwired with a predisposition to pay attention to animals and animals are demonstrably a source of social support”.. 

"Children have been known to find horses to be a secret confidant in which they can share secrets-an outlet that will soon open the door for the child to share with a therapist so they can process their thoughts, feelings, and emotions."

Psychotherapy without the assistance of a horse is definitely beneficial and necessary, but allowing someone recovering from trauma and grief to experience the “unique elements of equine-human relationships may foster deep, intimate connections"

Realization

When did I first realize that my dream was to open up a rehabilitation ranch to help people heal? The day that I realized what God had given me a passion for was the same day I started volunteering at Quantum Leap Farm (QLF). Here is an old look as a creative story I wrote about QLF:

      "In life most people find the most peace in one particular place. A place of solitude and rest. A place where all worries and concerns die. A place where dreams become a reality.

     My place of solitude is the barn on Woodstock Road. This barn does not just refer to a wooden house-like structure for animals, but to a place consisting of the sounds and smells of God's exquisite masterpiece.

     Early on Saturday mornings I awake, get dressed in my "barn-savvy" clothes, and make my way down the narrow Woodstock Road to my sanctuary-the barn. After I park my car, I step out onto the crisp, dew-covered grass and I am greeted by Woody, whose curly attire resembles a grandpa's beard; Droopy whose ears are the "droopiest" I know; and the large and in charge Double 07-classic barn yard dogs. Walking up to the gate, awaiting my oasis, I smell the aroma of the sweet, freshly-cut hay. As I slowly open the gate I am bombarded by two psychotic billy goats named Nelly and Tilly. They frisk me down looking for food and then leave, awaiting their next victim. Then, I stop, look and listen. I look at the elegant creatures gracefully grazing over the intricately designed pastures. I listen to the sounds of the horses whinnying and the locusts chirping, all in bliss. Immediately I am at peace-a peace that surpasses understanding. For I am among God's creation and thriving in His blessings. 

     Behind me, the wooden barn stands tall. It silently waits for my grand entrance. knowing that my appearance symbolizes the hard work another day brings. Stalls, filled with a variety of horse excrement, day-old hay, and sweet feed mixed with oats, stand stagnant ready to be unsullied. Half-full water buckets hang motionless in each stall hoping to be cleaned so that they may fulfill their simple, yet important jobs.

    In the distance I hear the badgering of the roosters. Peering around, waiting to catch a glimpse of them with my eyes, I see them flamboyantly strutting through one pasture to the next pasture in an attempt to escape Woody's jaws of terror.

    The soft faces of my equine friends have anticipated my return so that we may once again share sweet times, which will soon turn into memories. As I passively walk them into their home-my sanctuary-they each give me a nudge on the shoulder as if saying, "We missed you." I am comforted by their warmth and enthralled by their friendship.

    I feel no worries. I feel none of life's agonizing hurts. I am just in simple awe of God's stunning work of genius-the barn on Woodstock Road."

Can you see why I want to use horses? Why I want a ranch to be the place setting for healing? God used those horses and animals in my life in amazing ways.

That's why I became EAGALA certified. Wait for my next blog and I will tell you the story of that and how it plays a huge role in "Mt. Moriah: Horses, Surrender, and Healing"

Until next time, Lindsay

Non-Profits

We are wanting "Mt. Moriah: Horses, Healing, and Surrender" to be a 501c-3 non-profit charity...anyone have any advice on getting started? We are aware we might be years and years away, but with God we could be a lot closer than that!! Dream BIG or GO HOME!! =)

Also, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE share this blog with friends and family!! Thank you so much!!

Wow!

So much has changed since my last and, well, only blog! 

God changed my heart. For so long I have put so many specifications on Mt. Moriah, not willing to stray much because of fear and timidity. Thanks to some good friends, the Fullman's, and my wise husband I let go of what I had seen Mt. Moriah to be for so long.

Mt. Moriah was going to be a ranch and fish farm dedicated to helping girls with eating disorders, men that had been emasculated their whole lives, and battered women and children. Sounds awesome right??!! God opened my eyes...wider than they had been in a long time...

Mt. Moriah is now going to be just a ranch. But not just any ranch. I want to help anyone in need. I want to help girls battling eating disorders, men struggling because they have been emasculated for so long, battered women and children, palliative care patients, the homeless, the economically challenged, the person dealing with the death of someone close, those that have been abused, those struggling with ANY type of addiction, families dealing with divorce, the mother and father that miscarried their baby, the parent that doesn't know how to help their struggling teenager, the physically challenged, those diagnosed with any childhood developmental disorder...you name it, the team of Mt. Moriah (currently K.J., myself, and our loving God) want to foster a place for healing and recovery and ultimately people coming into true relationship with their Creator. 

I just got a little overwhelmed. I can't lie. It seems like an impossible feat, but I know that NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE WITH GOD. I have to claim it...because I don't know how this is going to happen. That's where you come in. I need your fervent prayer...I need your advice...I need your encouragement.

Stay posted! There is more to come!